Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
