I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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