Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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