how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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