good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
