That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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