i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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