His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
