please come you make the beer taste better
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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