Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My life is pants optional.
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