you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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