very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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