I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
