champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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