a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I look better un-naked...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
