last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize