his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
