I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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