butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
