so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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