My nipple is on Facebook.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
