I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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