my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
