We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
