I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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