My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm at about main and main street
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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