I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
