my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
