i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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