The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
