matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
