Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I party with great urgency now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
