Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
