it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
