I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
