when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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