Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
