i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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