If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
