I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
