Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
