I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
