Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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