thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
