You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
