have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
