at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Small penises have feelings too.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
