oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have feelings that need drinking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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