so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
