dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
