One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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