and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
