it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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