its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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