Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
