no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
