Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
