I think I am morally bankrupt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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