Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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