go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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