If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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