I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
