You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
