I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
