Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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